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What is my purpose and how do I heal?

 These were two questions that came to me on a day during recovery from a recent Breast Cancer reconstruction surgery. It was one of those days where I felt empty as though my life had lost all meaning. I don’t have many of those days, I might add. It’s very rare for me to feel down. Still, as a human it is natural to go up and down but, on this particular day, I was down. I am a positive person, but life’s a bitch and it will kick the hell out of you sometimes, if you let it.

 I felt like I was failing in nearly all aspects of my life; as a parent, as a healer, as an entrepreneur. I kept thinking I need some sort of healing or something to release my blockages. So, I asked the questions out loud to myself and the world, the universe, God, whoever was listening. “What is my purpose?” and “how do I heal?” I cried and then meditated. When I came back to full consciousness I listened to some voice messages sent earlier from a friend in NZ. She casually mentioned she had been invited to Adelaide to teach an Access Bars workshop in about a month’s time. At that moment I knew that my questions had been answered. I don’t know how, I don’t know why. I just knew. Even though plans had not even been made, nothing was booked, I knew I was going to Adelaide for that workshop. I didn’t know what Access Bars were, I hadn’t seen this friend in 15 years, I didn’t know how much it was or how much it was to get there or where I would stay but it didn’t matter. It was done as far as I was concerned. I was going.

I checked my velocity frequent flyer points as I thought I probably had enough for one flight or half a flight to Adelaide from Sunshine Coast. I went through as if to complete the booking and found I had enough points to travel there for zero dollars. As it turned out the workshop was held in an apartment overlooking the ocean and harbour at Glenelg Beach, and I was kindly given a bed to sleep on there for two nights. A few days before I flew out almost the exact money for the workshop turned up magically in my bank account. I later found out the company I work for had achieved an extraordinary profit level and decided to share some with us employees! This NEVER happens. I shook my head in disbelief.

So off I flew to Adelaide for free, Business class I might add, and went along to the adventure that was the access bars workshop. It was overlooking the Southern Ocean there on a cold, sunny winter’s day in August in Adelaide.

 My ego, thinking mind and computer brain kicked in once I was at the workshop. I sat there holding someone’s head wondering if I was doing it right, with my mind constantly questioning the whole process. Was I out of my mind? Who travels across the country to go and hold someone’s head in the hope that this was the answer? This is ridiculous I thought. There is no way this is going to work. The sceptical, grumpy teenager in me frowned at my friend who was teaching the class and talking some of what sounded like another language or some sort of chanting as she talked about energies and clearing statements. The open-minded child in me however stayed open and receptive to what was occurring without trying to judge anything as right or wrong, good or bad.

At the end I refused to let myself believe any change had taken place within me but another part of me had enough consciousness to know that this was the ego in me desperately trying to hold on to everything it knew. The verbal acknowledgement of this was what finally spelled its release.  After about a week after that workshop and having my bars run was when I realised I was free. I wasn’t hanging on to this idea that I had blockages that needed healing before I could heal others. I had realised that this was simply a point of view, another story. I still feel scared sometimes, it’s just that the fear has become irrelevant. It doesn’t stop me in my tracks. I know it’s a bullshit story in my head and now I am not just the experience of that, but I have also become the observer. I laugh at myself if I get nervous. I’m hilarious I tell myself. There is two of me. The true me being the observer of all that is, all that was, and all that will be. If I remain “inspired” which means “in spirit” then my ability to heal others and assist in the healing of this planet is not lost. I will always remain grateful to my friend that taught that class that day. I experienced several other very positive side effects too, such as better sleep, amazing connections with my son and husband and a massive surge of energy  like I was a battery that was plugged in and recharged,  intense periods of peace and happiness, clarity, synchronicity and some things that used to bother me  intensely no longer do. Ultimately though, I realised my “problems” were not problems at all. They are just stories that run through the mind. The power of the mind is when you switch it off and unclog the filter which is what can occur when you have your bars run, if that is what you choose. So thankyou Victoria for travelling all the way from New Zealand to teach that class. The impact you had in the room that day on both me and the other girls there, was beyond powerful. I wonder what else is possible?